Thursday, September 29, 2016

Gary Johnson Is A Horses Ass

This jackass might has well have just pulled a George Costanza and mumbled something into his hand. I was so ready to vote for this dope. If there was ever a year for a third party, it would be now. We have a circus clown and a rabid dog running for President and this numbskull is making them look good. Look, I don't know what Aleppo is either. I'm not even positive I'm spelling it right. But people know me best for losing at ping pong and jerking it in a gas station bathroom. So we're equally qualified to be President.
This election, for all it's had, has been missing one thing. An idiot VP candidate. Maybe Gary Johnson is trying to fill that void. Chris Matthews sounds like he was talking back stage and saying, watch this I'm gonna fuck with this guy. He asks for ONE foreign leader. Which again, would take me a few minutes. But a Presidential candidate should be able to come up with one quicker than my 85 year old grandfather trying to name current Red Sox players. Eh who's the black fella in the outfield.
This boob had such an opening. It was like the high school football games where the defense let's an autistic kid score a touchdown. The difference is, when Gary Johnson saw that gap open, he tripped on his shoelace and tore his ACL. So it looks like I'm voting for no one again. One last word of advice for Gary. Next time, when you don't have a clue how to answer something, remember the golden rule. It's not a lie, if you believe it.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

New B-Squad with Blind Mike
So Producer Jack fucked up and deleted all our previous shows. For now, check out the brand new episode, Mike On Drugs. We'll get the older episodes up soon if you want to check those out. This weeks show the boys discuss seeing Robert Kelly in Boston, going out, experimenting with drugs, and get into sports and the election.

The End Of Opie And Jimmy

About 3 years ago, one of the most popular radio shows of all time, and my personal favorite, was ripped apart with the firing of Anthony Cumia. This week, the final limping leg was snapped off and the historic remains were buried when Opie announced that Jim Norton will continue to do mornings with SiriusXM. And the Opster spears to be looking for a new gig. He announced this news on his YouTube channel along with the fact that Jim would be joined by the very talented Sam Roberts. The boys got to respond this morning.
Jimmy started by noting that it would've been nice if he could've announced his new deal on his terms rather than hear it on Opie's YouTube channel. He went on to discuss a lot of things the fans already knew about some of the differences they were having. He added the new detail that Opie was trying to have Jim's day on the show reduced to 2 or 3 days a week. This seemed to bother Jim, as it would anyone, and he mentioned that he knows he is funny on the radio and didn't feel like it was right that he was apparently being phased out.
As for Opie's announcement of the Jim and Sam show, both guys claimed that isn't official yet. Jim finally signed his new SiriusXM contract last night but the details on the new show haven't been worked out. They both mentioned they didn't like the notion that Opie put out there, that they were sharks in the water just waiting to get rid of Opie. Opie was the one phasing Jimmy out and Norton pointed out that neither guy was enjoying doing radio together. Sam Roberts showed his gratitude for everything Opie has done for him, but also metioned they haven't had much of a friendship since Anthony left the show. And the last noteworthy comment came after the discussion. This might be the fanboy in me reading into things. But they went on to talk about Tump wouldn't admit to sniffling during the debate Monday night. Jim added that it's very frustrating to deal with someone who can't admit they're the problem. Either a nice jab at Opie, or total coincidence. Prior to that Jim said he didn't want to be on the same channel as Opie so there would be no chance of Opie having any control over him. When a caller suggested Jim call and reach out to Opie, Jim expressed 0 interest in the idea.
Personally I'm very excited for the Jim and Sam show. They have great chemistry together and Sam has a great understanding of the direction Jim is going and knows how to navigate with him. As for Opie, I'm glad he's done. He's taken a lot of shit from Opie and Anthony fans over the years. Some undeserved, some very well deserved. The guy built the 2nd greatest edgy talk show of all time. Without him, Anthony may still be in an attic knocking tin and who knows if Jimmy would be at the level in comedy he is now. Between the show itself and the comics they introduced me to, I've gotten more hours of entertainment from O and A than any other 1 thing. They had Burr and Louis CK on before anyone knew who they were and have had some of the best voices in comedy from the days of Norton, Di Paolo, Patrice O'Neal and Colin Quinn all the way to new guys like Mark Normand and Pete Davidson. But the guys personality off the air has driven away now two brilliant radio personalities and by all accounts, fair guys to work with. On The Anthony Cumia Show on Anthony said that years ago, Opie didn't want Ron Bennington on their channel who is a hilarious guy. His lack of confidence and need for attention was getting in the way of the product. Opie would often respond to criticism by saying the show has passed you by. But I think the real problem was the audience has passed him by.
I'm excited to hear what Jim and Sam do together and I hope this opens the door for Jim and Anthony to work more together. I've subscribed to Anthony's show since SiriusXM fired him and he does a great show on his own. As for Opie, I don't know what he'll end up doing. But for now brother man, your mom's box.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

John Farrell, 2 Time Division Winner

Not to JUMP to conclusions, but John Farrell is about to win his 2nd division in 4 years. Now this guy is a real straight shooter with Manager of the Year written all over him.
Maybe this means Farrell is some type of misunderstood genius. Or more likely, it means baseball managers just don't matter that much. But it can't be denied. Under Farrell's watch this season, everyone's TPS reports are in and they've been playing unbelievable. Especially the last month.
But I hope everyone understands what this means. He ain't going anywhere. And if they win the World Series, god help us. He'll be here until John Henry decides to call him a drug addict and kick him out the door. But we're going to have to tolerate this horrible in game managing for years to come now. Especially since it doesn't look like these kids are going back to last place for a while.
So we'll have to continue having the puzzled Peyton Manning face on as he brings in Kimbrel for 8 pitches in a blowout or completely forgetting what sport they're playing in an NL park.
So Joh, all I ask is this. We're gonna need ya to go ahead and stay out of the way. Accept the accolades and let this team win a World Series.
Oh and as far as putting Pablo Sandoval on the roster, he's a bare minimum flare guy. For example, look at Mookie, he wars 37 pieces of flare. But if you want a 15 piece of flare guy to ruin the chemistry, that's up to you.

I Was On Drinks N Thinks Episoe 20

These guys do a YouTube show that seems to do pretty well. They're 2 brothers and a best friend that drink and talk shit. They asked me to do the show and I had fun doing it. There's some choppy video on my end. Totally my fault. My internet sucks. Blame Comcast. Check it out.

When Did Donald Trump Become A Racist?

How did everyone know Trump was a racist before me. I tweeted this thought last night and everyone told me I wasn't paying attention. Where were these people? How was this racist monster allowed to have a primetime reality show on a national, liberal network? Who gave this modern day slave owner the ability to run the Miss America contest for decades? And how come this great oppressor wasn't stopped from slapping his name on giant buildings in the biggest city in the country? But I guess that's not fair of me. All of these astute observers were writing letters to NBC and boycotting the network. Obviously none of them ever watched the Miss America pageant out of disgust. And I have no doubt those people were outside Trump towers, protesting this bigot. And I know none of them would ever live there.
Look, Donald Trump's a boob. He's an ego-maniacal, attention whore. But unless you've redefined the term racist, he doesn't fit it. He says dumb shit and he also says things that have been things wildly taken out of context by the media. And some of those things, unfortunately, get the ignorant, true racists all fired up. But to suggest all people that vote Trump are RACIST is outrageous and the same type of prejudice, thoughtless generalization people accuse Trump of making.
I'm not voting for Trump because I'm not voting for either candidate. But what I like about him has nothing to do with a deep seeded bigotry. I like that Trump represents a private citizen coming in and stepping all over career politicians. They didn't know how to handle him. If we had more of that, we wouldn't get the same retreads in office who know how to play politics rather than get anything done. He's a symbol of shaking things up. Which is why I'd vote Libertarian if Gary Johnson wasn't a propeller hat wearing dope.
We now use the term racist to shut people down. It takes away from people who have and still do endure true racism. By shouting racist from the building tops, people are only making the term meaningless. Once reserved for the truest form of scumbag, it is now thrown out to anyone who doesn't use the right term or makes a joke on Twitter. So maybe it's my fault for not realizing Trump was a diabolical racist years ago. Or maybe we just changed the definition.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

RIP Jose Fernandez

I don't want to be one of those people who uses a tragedy to draw attention to themselves. That's not why I'm writing this. I didn't know much about Jose Fernandez. I knew he was a stud on the mound. I knew he was one of the few guys I would've like to see the Red Sox trade the farm for. But that's bout it. But s a guy who's only a few months older than Jose, it's just something I thought a lot about today.
I'm certainly not one to say nothing good happens after 2 a.m. It's true, but we've ll done it. I don't see the good that comes from people wagging their finger at someone after the damage is done. But I guess it's to help teach the rest of us. And hopefully it does that.
I guess that's what has me thinking the most. I think a lot about how drastically things can change based on one minor action. If Jose didn't have his start pushed back a day, he wouldn't have been out. But what do you do with that. It's a fact that's just there. Maybe it's just my weed addled brain but that's been blowing my mind today. It's so corny to say but I don't enjoy enough of the moments I have. I lost a friend earlier this year, around the same age, to a very different set of circumstances. But it's just a message to the rest of us to stop bitching about the little things. We won't. We say it every time something like this happens and then forget. But for today, it's something to think about. Rest In Peaces Jose. All the best to your family, and especially your future child.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Are The Red Sox Winning Too Much?

Hear me out. Is it possible that the Red Sox got too insanely hot too early to keep it up through the playoffs? I mean, they've been inconsistent most of the year. Bucholz is their 3 starter and it wasn't long ago I was calling him hot garbage. Price sucked for half the year and sucks in the playoffs. The bullpen has been great but I still cringe when a starter leaves a close game. I'm just afraid the pendulum may be swinging back the other way. They've been SO dominant that it scares me. They will probably have home field advantage which helps them. But it's so much time. They've got another week of baseball before the playoffs start. The only thing that eases my mind is that Porcello, Ortiz, Betts and Pedroia really have never hit a rough patch.
I don't wanna be a buzz kill or look like I'm pulling a Tony Mazz and just trying to get a reaction. I've just felt a rollercoaster of emotions this season. I've never loved and hated a team more times. This Red Sox team is like a crazy girl. When I'm getting what I want from her, it's unbelievable. But when it goes bad I smash my phone and curl up in the fetal position and wonder how I got here. I'm probably being crazy. But when the John Farrell for manager of the year talk started, I had to stop and at least question what world I was living in.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Media Is At Fault For Dividing This Country

I've had enough of my nights interrupted by tragedy. I realize it's a nice First World problem to have as I complain from the couch, but it's just one after another. And I think it's far overdue for the media to take responsibility for this. Their political leanings and sensationalizing of every story has divided this country, worse than it's been in my short lifetime at least. The misrepresentation of facts and misleading headlines have done such an injustice to the public that now it's resulted in pinning black people vs. white and turned the deaths of both cops and citizens into political issues used to boost candidates poll numbers.
I've exhausted myself defending cops. Not for the cases that are lead news stories. But for all the cases that aren't. Cops are people. Some are amazing at their job and some are terrible. Some are the most progressive people you'll ever meet and, yeah, some are racist. But most importantly, some are well trained at their job and some just aren't. But this idea that there's an army of White Power skinheads scouring the streets for innocent young black men to murder is absurd. And if the media had any balls they'd admit that's what they want you to believe. Instead of starting a discussion on police training reform across the country, which is a perfectly legitimate discussion, they'd much rather instill fear in the average viewer or reader that won't dig any deeper and just believe what they hear.
And I realize the other side is to blame too. Fox News would much rather put show you some ignorant person on the street in order to make Black Lives Matter look like a gang of rogue idiots and criminals, rather than put someone on who can articulate their point. But with the mass media it leans so heavily to one side that Fox looks like the lone idiots. When in reality the far left and the far right are the same idiots arguing against themselves.
There was a time, long before I was born and before cable news, that news broadcasts and articles were based in fact. Now with social media, reporters don't have time to look into those silly facts. And with my generation of mosquito attention-spanned idiots, we don't have time to look further into stories. We're too busy talking about ourselves. They know their audience. They know they can say whatever they want and won't get called out on it. Because it's way cooler to tweet an outrageous story than be a nerd and look up what actually happened.
Last night I heard Don Lemon on CNN blame misleading social media headlines for the unrest in Charlotte. Sorry Donny. But that's on you. And your colleagues. You've pinned black people and cops against each other. You've made it so that anyone who thinks black people may have rougher dealings with cops than I'll ever realize, is a looney liberal. And anyone who thinks, for the most part, cops do a pretty amazing job at protecting and serving us, a racist. So if Don Lemon and the rest of these, so called, journalists want the facts out there, start reporting them.

I Tlalked My Uber Driver Off The Ledge

As you probably assumed, I rely heavily on public transportation. Usually a pain in the ass. But once in a while it takes me on a magical journey through the life of a creature, most people only observe from afar. The uber driver.
On Tuesday of this week, I was heading back to my old stomping grounds of Braintree, MA. So I order an uUber. When Fabricio accepted my request, I assumed we were nothing more than business partners. Two men engaging in a transaction only to part ways and never meet again. Little did I know we were about to become a whole lot more. were embarking on a brotherhood.
The ride starts out, seemingly, like any other. He asks if I'm Mike, I say yes, we exchange pleasantries. He noticed I was going to Braintree and notes that he in fact, lived in Braintree. I mention that I also once lived there. This was all Fabricio needed to hear to know he had a friend.
After our very deep, 3-4 sentence conversation, we hit a lull. The car fell silent. I put on my headphones on and turn on the Legion of Skanks podcast to avoid being with my own thoughts. Maybe 2 minutes go by and Fabricio, with no more setup than this, utters these words "Yeah, so, my wife is leaving me". I pause the podcast, remove my headphones, and get comfortable.
He proceeds to tell me that his wife is now living with another man. Now he admits he was verbally abusive. But this all stems from insecurity he got from his first wife being untrustworthy. and manipulative. I diagnosed these as common issues I've witnessed a lot in my career taking Uber's. He knows they still love each other but isn't sure if the best thing for both of them is to moe on. Boy do I know that game.
He continues to poor his soul to me for another 10-15 minutes. There was enough traffic that day that we could really do some exploring. But at a point, the conversation fell silent again. Very similar to the one that started the ride. That silence was broken by Fabricio pointing to a house and saying "That's where I lived in Braintree". Our relationship came full circle.
We pulled up to my destination. Our time came to an end. I wished my new friend well, we exchanged numbers, and I went on my way. Five stars wasn't enough to describe my experience.

So no one worries about my safety, I didn't really give him my number. But I like to think, when the time is right, we will meet again.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

I Want Bart Hubbuch Fired

Yesterday Bart Hubbuch deleted his Twitter after obviously the New England Patriots have never had a black quarterback. I guess suggesting, either the organization or the region is littered with racists shunning every African American player that's ever come through here. Let me back up. If you don't know who Bart Hubbuch is, it's because you're a person. He allegedly writes for the New York Post and moonlights as a sniveling,, cowardly, Twitter troll who has spoken many hateful I things about a large group of people in this country. And I want him fired.
Now I want to be clear. Bart said something idiotic, hateful, and really, at it's core, bigoted. He used a real problem of racism to manipulate the uninformed into attacking a group he doesn't like. He's a race baiting pussy who has no interest in helping the oppressed but instead uses the same hateful tactics on others. He's a coward and I want him to lose his job. But for none of these reasons.
It's your right as an American do say whatever dumb shit you want. And someone who is paid to tive their opinion, it's an expectation. If I knew nothing of this toad, I'd have no interest seeing his demise. In fact I encourage it. As long as the idiots on the other side are allowed to spew their nonsense as well. I want Bart fired because I know who he is.
About a year ago Bart Hubbuch tried to get Kirk Minihane of WEEI and CSNNE fired for a joke he made about Roger Goodell. Hubbuch edited the joke to make Minihane look bad and then reported it as fact. To me, that's one of the most cowardly things you can do. So I woul love nothing more than to learn that Bart Hubbuch's career has been destroyed. Not for what he said. But because it's what he'd do to someone in the same position.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Would The Patriots Even Be Able To Keep Jimmy G If They Wanted To?

I wrote a blog after week 1 saying Garappolo looked good, but he's no Brady. Well before he got hurt in Sunday's game, I was getting a case of the vapors. I needed to fan myself off. I was developing feelings for another quarterback. Now look, I understand it's a game and a half. But that's all you need in today's NFL to make enough to buy a small country. So the debate is already starting. Do you trade Jimmy and score 10 first round picks and the deed to the stadium from some dumb team like the Browns, or do the unthinkable and unthinkable GOAT Tom Brady.
It's a cool sports talk debate to fill time and I'm all for it. But here's something I haven't heard asked yet. Would Jimmy G even want to be here. Sure, it'd be great to start your career with the most well run organization in football. But Tom Brady has done something not many guys have been willing to do. Take less money for the team. I realize Tom makes much more than his cap number indicates. But there's a reason bums like Joe Flacco and Andy Daulton are rich men. People are idiots. GM's in the NFL would throw me like 15 mill guaranteed if I could somehow close my eyes and put together a good half of football.
No one ever makes what .they could get elsewhere in New England. Some guys are willing to trade that for winning. But we don't know anything about Jimmy. Aside from the fact that he has eyes that could melt steel. Maybe he wants to cash in before his brain turns to CTE mush and he gets lost in his living room. I'm not saying it's a guarantee he'll chase the dollars. I just know for a fact he won't get it here.

Remind Me Why I Criticized This Red Sox Team

All year this Red Sox team has frustrated me. I get mad at the idiotic moves John Farrell makes, I bash David Price every time he gives up a lead, and I scream about how bad the bullpen. But somehow, they've become a team with no flaws. They've got at least 3 guys that deserve a Gold Glove at their position, the front runner for Cy young and MVP. A legitimate 2nd pitcher and 2nd MVP candidate. Two of the greatest turn around stories in franchise history. They've got young stars and respected veterans. They've got guys who dance in the outfield and drop visible F bombs on the mound. And the bullpen seems to be coming around. What's not to love. Sure, they have 3 guys in the rotation who are complete wild cards, a couple in the bullpen that make me beat my couch like it's CM Punk, and an absolute boob for a manager. But if this were the Patriots I'd be ignoring those flaws and fellating them on Twitter every night.
So my message today is this. I won't stop calling the manager a buffoon when he makes one of his idiotic decisions. I will still be puzzled as to how Clay Bucholz has made it 10 years here when he implodes. But I'll stop calling this the most frustrating team I've ever watched. They're maybe the funnest to watch. And I'll be one of the few who watch them over the Patriots when they're on at the same time in October.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Complaints About The Emmy's

First of all, I didn't watch because the Red Sox were ripping the Yankees hearts out. So I can't speak to how Kimmel did or how nauseating any of the speeches were. But a lot of the winners I didn't even know. The comedy categories seemed to all be deserving. The beautiful JLD as Selina Meyer in Veep is awesome. Veep won as a show. I personally would've gone with Master Of None or Silicon Valley, but no problem with Veep. And Aziz won for writing on Mater Of None. All well deserved. But can someone tell me why Transparent is considered a comedy. Every time I hear anyone from that show, they're patting themselves on the back for what a serious issue they're taking on. That's fine. But I don't like a comedy that shoves an issue down your throat and scolds you for not being progressive enough. Sounds really funny though huh. Call it a drama if you want. But Thomas Middlevich from Silicon Valley does an amazing job with that character. And I don't know how much this is considered in that category, but he's actually funny.
For the drama's, I'm bias toward Better Call Saul but this season was a little slow. However, Jonathan Banks as Mike carries that show on his back. He's so good, even in scenes where he doesn't speak. Game of Thrones seemed to take a llot home. Can I say how sick of hearing about that show I am. I refuse to watch it because no one ever sells me on it. If you asked me how Breaking Bad is, I could talk to you all day convincing you to watch it. Anytime people tell me I NEED to watch Game of Thrones is there are a lot of boobies and they kill main characters off. To quote Aziz I have the internet, because things are going pretty well. So I have access to hours of footage of breasts. I don't nee to sit through an hour of backstory to get there. And when you always kill off main characters, the element of surprise is taken away.
My last ct is with all the focus on race and gender. I clicke over a few times between innings and every time someone was being commended, not for their work, but their work as a, insert race or gender, person. That turns their accomplishment into something lesser. Like the important white people that make the decisions are throwing them a bone and allowing them to get an award. When I watch Master Of None, I think, wow, Aziz created an amazing show. Not an amazing show for a minority. An I find Julia Louis-Dreyfus hilarious. Not hilarious for a woman. Once we stop beating everyone over the head with these divisive subcategories, they will go away.
On a much more positive note, Patton Oswalt won for his Netflix special. Very well deserved. Brilliantly written.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Top 5 Greatest TV Shows

Again, this is just from shows created in my lifetime so the last quarter-century.

5. The Wire
The Wire is consistently named one of the 3 best drama's EVER. Yet somehow it never even got nominated for an Emmy. So on the day of the Emmy's I only felt it right to give them an equal honor of making my list. In Always Sunny's mocking the Emmy's episode they gave a not to The Wire saying black bars just don't get awards but the Blind Side list sees no color. It also gave us two of my favorite actors, Michael K. Williams and Michael B. Jordan.

4. South Park
Most people would say if a cartoon makes the list it's The Simpsons because they were first. And they did open the door for adult primetime animated series. There's no Family Guy without The Simpsons. But the shows been on 20 fucking years too long. Or so I hear. I wouldn't know because I, like the rest of the country haven't been paying attention. South Park has now done 20 seasons and gotten better. It turned into the greatest form of social commentary we have. And at their peaks South Park was just funnier.

3. Breaking Bad
My favorite show ever but I put my bias aside and let it sit in the 3 spot. Both Walter White and Gus Fring were two of the greatest villains ever created. Vince Gilligan created 6 characters in that show that got actors Emmy nominations and Dean Norris as Hank should've been the 7th. It was good enough to have Better Call Saul spin off of it and that too is a great drama.

2. Seinfeld
Pretty obvious choice for best comedy. it ended 117 years ago and kids in high school still become Seinfeld fans. It holds up years later and never hit a lull. Most comedies jump the shark after 4 or 5 seasons but they went out on top. I would almost say Curb Your Enthusiasm is funnier at times but I really just consider it one show.

1. The Soprano's

I had no choice. Without Tony Soprano we don't get characters like Walter White, Don Draper and others. My big thing with this list was shows that never fell off in quality. Some people would say The Soprano's went through some rough patches. And I hated the finale at the time. But until stupid David Chase said Tony lived, it left you to make up your own ending in your mind and wonder what happened. It got better the more you thought about it. And it really just changed TV. Before The Soprano's there was never a drama on television with movie quality writing and production. Now all the best writing is done on TV. The Soprano's started that.

Honorable Mentions
Friday Night Lights-A personal favorite but not the same level of quality.
Mad Men-If we expanded the list it would've made it. Just got too boring at times.
30 Rock-I honestly think the 2nd best written sitcom in my lifetime.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Rick Porcello Has To Start Game 1

Maybe I'm being a negative Nancy focusing on this on another day the Red Sox ripped the Ynkees hearts out. But all yer I've had a tough time watching David Price. Even when he's going great, there's something about him that pisses me off. The guy HATES leads, first of all. Any time the Sox go up 1-0, 2-0 early, seems like it disappears the next inning every time. Maybe my man Big Jim Murray's impression has gotten in my head but I get a very Aw Shucks vibe from Price which probably is a big part of why he's had such struggles in the playoffs. Not going full straw man and saying Price has been awful and we need to get rid of him. I just Don't see him s THE guy.
That's why I'm all in on Porcello Game 1 of the playoffs. Red Sox will win the division. As much as they annoy the hell out of me with their inconsistency, I just don't think there's enough time for them to screw it up. So they should be able to set their rotation. Pretty Ricky is my guy. His competitiveness is way higher than Price. I just think he's got way more mental toughness. I say that about a guy with no real playoff track record but Price has one and it works against him. Porcello hasn't really pitched a bad game all year. That's how I view an ace. 6 months ago if we said Porcello was our best pitcher you'd have visions of Farrell and Dombrowski packing their bags. But that's where we re with a tem that's going to win over 90 games. Now of course Farrell will screw this up somehow and make this irrelevant. But until then, give the ball to Rick.

Top 5 Greatest Male Sitcom Characters

I'll say this to start. Archie Bunker is the real greatest sitcom character ever because that character di things in the 70's that our baby culture wouldn't allow now. And most of the characters on my list wouldn't be created without influence from Archie Bunker. But these lists are my lifetime. So we're throwing him off the boat.

5. Dennis Reynolds
This will upset some people because people think of Charlie and Frank as the best Always Sunny gang members. But I think Dennis' slow descent into full on psychopath is unlike anything that's ever been in a si, com. I also think Glenn Howardton is the best comedic actor of his day. Really how anyone on that show hasn't been nominated for an Emmy will irk me, maybe even after I'm dead. But they can rest easy knowing at least one of them made my list.

4. Michael Scott
I wasn't sure if Michael was going to make my list. because he's so closely based off David Brent from the original Office. But Michael lasted 7 24 episode seasons and there were some mediocre episodes in that time, that character pretty much always remained funny. And I think most people my age would consider The Office our generations sitcom so the best character from that show had to make it.

3. Cosmo Kramer
I shouldn't have to defend this too much. If there's a video of you angrily hurling N bombs at black people an I can still watch you and laugh, you've developed an amazing character. There are other characters I thought about putting ahead of him but the more I thought about it, a lot of them were inspired by Kramer's mysterious, hipster-doofus appeal.

2. Kenny Powers
The greatest asshole ever created. So much so that Danny McBride essentially played this character in 4 seasons of Eastbound and Down, ThisIs The End and now his new show, Vice Principals and no one hs gotten tired of it.

1. George Costanza
I would've loved to make some controversial number 1 that people could argue about but in the end I had to do what ws right. George is the greatest sitcom character of my life. He inspired a generation of characters with no morals or redeeming qualities. Seinfeld never tried to teach you anything. It was pure comedy. This ws an easy decision.

Honorable mentions
Abed Nadir-Very unique character and another guy I'm amazed was never nominated for an Emmy but just not at the level of these guys.
Ron Swanson-At his peak, one of my favorite characters ever. But there was sort of a Fonzi thing with him where he almost became superhuman.
Jack Donaughey- Love the character. Almost switched him with Dennis Reynolds based on Alec Baldwin's amazing acting.

Friday, September 16, 2016

In Honor Of The Emmy's; 5 Greatest Femle Sitcom Characters of All Time

The Emmy's are Sunday so I wanted to put a few lists of the greatest shows and characters of all time. And before my boy Rear Admiral and the other TV historians give me shit for not including I Love Lucy or anything from the silent era, this is my personal list. I'm a young boy so this is a young mans list. So really, I shouldn't say all time. We'll go the last quarter-century or so.

5. Marie Barone
Since it overlapped with Seinfeld and Friends, I feel like Everybody Loves Raymond was pretty underrated.  It was more original than the average family, laugh track sitcom that came out around that time. Marie the qualities of every mom that jus annoy you to no end. I also think she's up on my list because my grandparents essentially were Frank and Marie Barone so their interaction is hilarious to me.

4. Britta Perry
The most underrated character on the most underrated comedy of the last decade. You never see a show make the hot blonde the butt of every joke but Gillian Jacobs was great at being THE WORST. She was every hipster that thinks they believe in something. I know this will be the one people argue with me but it will probably be people that never watched Community. Go do that.

3. Lucile Bluth
Years ago this would've been a hot take but Arrested Development finally got the respect it deserved. I loved Marie Barone because she was America's mom but I love Lucile for the complete opposite reason. She's the mom hopefully nobody has but is just pure hilarious. Her teaching Lindsay that wine turns into alcohol if you let it sit too long is something I quote all the time.

2. Elaine Benes
Because of how historic George and Kramer's characters were on Seinfeld, Elaine gets overlooked. Elaine's stories in most episodes were on par or better than everyone elses. Especially in the later seasons. As a side note, I've never witnessed a human being get better looking every year they're on the planet the way JLD has. Scary. Regardless as the funniest woman on the best sitcom ever, she obviously makes the list.

1. Liz Lemon
Another underrated show that I think has started to get its due is 30 Rock. Not often before this did you see a femle lead that was such a mess. Also the fact that Tina Fey also wrote such a self deprecating character gave her the edge over everyone else in my mind.

Honorable Mentions
Kimmy Schmidt-Just Hasn't been around long enough yet.
Annie Edison-Love her but Bbitta for the win
Pam Besley-Pam is the girl of my dreams but she got hurt by the show going downhill post Michael Scott.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

I Like Colin Powell More Now

I like knowing that Colin Powell talks like a regular dude. I think if more politicians showed a non-robotic side they wouldn't have to deal with Trump sashaying past them as he leaves them a shell of who they started as. I'm not saying every politician should get on stage and talk about dicking bimbos. But the reason Trump was able to disrobe guys like Jeb Bush is because he'd come at them like a regular guy and they'd overheat and malfunction. I'm not the biggest Trump  fan in the country but he exposed these career politicins as people who learned how to speak like politicians without having to backup their words. This email from Colin Powell shouldn't be embarrassing for him, it should be humanizing. The media should be less concerned about guys who, at times, talk like a bit of a douchebag and worry more about exposing someone with a trail of bodies in their wake and the health of a 3rd act Brian Picolo. But words are much more important than actions to this generation so we will continue to focus of dicking bimbos rather than the meat of what Colin Powell was saying.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

South Prk Is The Best Social Commentary We've Got

How did a cartoon, thrown together in 6 days, that's main characters are cursing 5th graders become the best, most fair and balanced social commentary we have in entertainment? The country can debate something for weeks and in less than a week of writing Trey Parker and Matt Stone are able to make both sides feel like assholes. People love to say how well SNL mocks current events. And Pete Davidson and Kate McKinnon will be HUGE stars. But that show almost goes out of it's way to let you know it's political leanings. South Park does a brilliant job of letting us all know what morons we are on these issues. I had an I Want Cheesy Poofs T-shirt when I was a kid and my mom wouldn't let me wear it around adults who knew what South Park was so people wouldn't think she was raising a monster. 15 years later, Eric Cartman is respected as one of the greatest characters ever.
Tonight's episode broke down the election,  Kaepernick shit, social media and perception of female comics in a brilliant way. Shit I try to articulate like I'm some political pundit but instead stutter and stammer to myself and just have another drink and go to sleep. In a time where late night TV has become middle aged white men playing duck, duck, goose with respected actors to make a viral video and the news is made up of either pseudo morning zoo crews or shock jocks, a cartoon is our greatest source of social commentary.
South  Park has done 20 wonderful seasons. So why Hollywood won't allow Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn to follow the Daily Show I'll never know. But that's a rant for another day. For now we should be thankful that at least South Park can do what they do.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I'm Taking Back Twitter For The Good Guys

For anyone who couldn't use context clues, Patton Oswalt tragically lost his wife earlier this year. He's also one of the great stand ups working today. @Pi4noBl4ck is n anonymous pussy who sits at his computer punishing his rotten pecker to his former classmates Facebook photos, attacking comedians on Twitter, and wondering what could've been. My request from those of you reading this is to just annoy the bejesus out of this pussy.
Now before you call me a hypocrite for attacking someone for saying simple words, this is why it's different. I defend people who are having their livelihood threatened for giving an opinion. I don't think this guy should lose his job for being a cunt. I don't want him banned from Twitter. Patton is a big boy and doesn't need some idiot wanna-be blogger defending him. But everyone always tells me free speech comes with consequences. I think the consequence for using a fake name and saying awful shit to people that you'd never say to their face, should be getting the equal treatment from a larger group of assholes.
Your last point might be, why give this twerp attention. That's what he's going for. Because at first they love it, but in the end it's not the attention they want. I get this to a much less vicious extent with the blind thing. We've developed a world where the cunts who wanted to be tough guys now can be, without the risk of getting their jaw shattered. Maybe my approach isn't the best. But I was raised on Opie and Anthony and I was groomed by David Portnoy. If I learned anything from them, it's this. When someone fires a spitball at you, fire back with a machine gun. Let's ruin this little bitch's week.

Trent Dilfer's Kaepernick Comments Were Exactly What ESPN Needs

Apparently some people were annoyed by these comments from Trent Dilfer. So much so that Colin Keapernick an other 49ers responded to it. And I will admit, it shocked me. But not for the same reason everyone else is talking about it. I was stunned that there was a good debate aired on ESPN. I almost spit out my cheerios Sunday morning when Randy Moss and Dilfer were going back and forth on this. I was shocked. Randy Moss made some good points, not all of which I agreed with. Trent Dilfer responded with something more along my line of thinking. This was so strange to me. I kept refreshing Twitter to see if they dragged Dilfer out for a public beheading.
My own opinion leans toward Dilfer. I think last night would show it's obviously not a crippling distraction but if you believe distractions exist then this is one. It's a story centered around  backup quarterback that's been discussed on CNN. The reason the Patriots don't answer even the most generic questions is because Wild Bill wants the focus on football. You can argue the impact that has on the actual game, but the focus in San Francisco is not on football.
I also don't think I'm right about everything. Randy, s Patriots do, made a couple points I wasn't awre of. It made me think. I hope Dilfer did that for people on the other side of the issue. That's what those shows are supposed to be. My whole point with Paul Finebaum was how silly an apology ws when a debate would do so much more. Very liberal people constantly say we need an open dialogue on these issues. What they men is, we need more outlets for their opinions to be heard. And anyone opposing them is hateful, ignorant and should be out of a job. Hope Dilfer doesn't back down. It was a rare 2 minutes I ws entertained by anything outside a game on ESPN.

Monday, September 12, 2016

An Apology Letter To Football Fans

This is an apology to football fans outside of New England. I am truly sorry. For years we have watched a perfect entity, posing as a mere human, playing quarterback. Last night we saw a mere mortal and it was, even for me, eye opening. Don't get me wrong, Jimmy G did a fine job. Good enough to win. But he has something Patriots haven't witnessed in 16 years. Flaws. Now, we did have the one year Brady was out for the season. But we were still in a David Tyree haze and couldn't really take it in. These four weeks will be good for us. We get to feel how the other half lives. In fact, now it's amazing to me that regular people have won Super Bowls while Tom is around. So to anyone I have shit talked over the last decade and a half, while TB12 left a trail of  I am deeply sorry. You guys have done a swell job considering the hand you've been dealt. I've walked a mile in your shoes now. And nd they weren't comfortable. As for Pats fans, Jimmy G does have Tom bet in one category. Handsomeness. Just stare into those dreamy eyes and tell yourself it'll all be over soon.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

The NFL-The Cheapest Drug There Is

Why do we bother complaining about the way the NFL operates. We do nothing about it. They've got us hooked. Every spring we think we're clean, but come September we're tugging at Goodell's belt just begging him for a taste. Goodell is a less lovable Walter White. He may do some awful things and one day it will catch up to him. But for now he's still buying Walter Jr. Lambo's and blowing them up in parking lots, just cuz he can. Yesterday I was on the phone with Comcast buying NFL RedZone. I legitimately felt like I was selling my body for a dime bag. But hey, I can stop at any time man. I just don't feel like it. Because I'm not selling my body. I'm not doing any physical harm to myself or oved ones. I'm just completely selling out my morals and beliefs. And that, I can live with. So light em up today boys. Let's get zooted. I'll see y back at rehab in February.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Shane Buechele, Taking America By Storm #HurriShane

Not since Jason Street has the state of Texas seen an arm like this. And not since Matty Saracen have they seen a kid with this much heart. Ther'es a high grade HurriShane rolling through Texas folks. You'd be wise to prepare for when it comes through your state. Alright, should I have hyped this kid up when they actually beat a real team last week? Sure. But I didn't have  a blog back then. And yes, my college football expertise could be questioned since I haven't watched a full regular season game since Colt McCoy was in school. But Shane Bueschele transcends knowledge. You just know it when you see it. And go ahead, make a joke that I can't see. That's how good this kid is. He gives sight to the blind. Once the Longhorns creep into the top 10 this week will go down as the last time a Shane Bueschele lead team is ever underestimated. The horns are back baby. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Rick Porcello, A True Underdog Story

The greatest turn around for a Red Sox player in my life for sure. Honorable mention going to John Lackey, who in 2011 was an evil villain who co-ran the chicken and beer mafia. A mere 2 years later became a lovable booze bag that won the clinching game of the World Series. But this is unreal. A year ago Rick Porcello was a joke. He became the guy you mention with Carl Crawford and Pablo Sandoval as biggest wastes of money ever. Now he's a 20 game winner, the only guy on this Red Sox staff who shows any balls, the ace over the highest paid pitcher in baseball and will probably win a Cy Young. Now I'm only 25 so maybe I'm not the guy who should claim this is the greatest heel to hero switch ever. But no one in my lifetime has gone from the biggest waste of 20 mill ever to underpaid in 365 days. Let me know who I'm forgetting in the comments.

Kneel All You Want, Just Not This Sunday

I genuinely don't care who stands for the National Anthem and who doesn't. Before all this Kaepernick nonsense, I'd guarantee most of these meatheads were thinking about the game and not what the flag means to them. But now it's become a way to, A. Take a real stance on an important social issue, or B.  Win the day on Twitter and be carried off on the shoulders of people who call themselves social justice warriors. Whatever your motives for doing , it was, it's your life. The other Brandon Marshall doing it last night had no impact on me. But the rest of the league should hold off until 9/12.
I don't have a lot of vivid memories from before I was 10...Really makes me wonder what I'm blocking out but we'll get to that another time. But one memory I do have is how people felt on September 11th. We all know how sad it was so I don't need to go into ESPN mode and tug at your heart strings. More than anything else it was the most historic effort by a group of cops and firefighters in this countries history. That day should, until the end of time, be a day to respect cops, firefighters and troops alike. If you don't want to stand for those putting their lives on the line today, do it for those who lost theirs back then.
Anyone who has the internet knows there's a lot of talk about a race issue with cops. I don't see it. But as anyone who has ever replied to me on Twitter will tell you, I don't see much. I used to exhaust myself defending cops, something I'll still do over a few wobbly pops. But enough black people have talked about a shared experience dealing with cops that I'll never have to deal with so there's obviously something to it. And if you feel kneeling or sitting or tap dancing during the National Anthem is representative of something bigger for you, I'm cool with that. And I realize it's tempting no matter your beliefs, to have a flock of media members and white knights on twitter pat you on the back. And in the social media age everyone needs instant gratification. But my request is simple. Just wait a day.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Why Trevor Siemian Will Be A Disaster In Denver

I don't understand this idea that the Broncos could win with me at quarterback. The Super Bowl champs started training camp with Mark Sanchez and two Madden draft simulated names competing for quarterback. And yeah, I realize Mark Sanchez sucks but they cut the only guy with a full game of experience because he makes more than $8.50 an hour. Look, the Broncos defense is good. In the playoffs last year they were historically good. But people like to point to how bad Peyton Manning was last year as a reason why they'll go back to the Super Bowl with the living members of The Golden Girls rotating at QB. I think Betty White is the only one still alive but I thought it was an ok line, so get off my ass. Point is, Osweiler played half their regular season games last year and he wasn't Willie Beamen, but he was okay. And Peyton was mediocre in the playoffs but he didn't make any dumb mistakes. People love getting on their knees for Elway, and he has done a great job. But starting a guy at the most important position with 0 experience and having a guy with less experience back him up is more than balls, it's arrogance. The Broncos will win their division but Trevor Siemian will cost them games and probably home field. And yeah, I realize the Patriots are starting the seson in the same boat but they have the greatest man to ever step on a football field coming back Week 5 so shut the fuck up.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Blind TV Review-Atlanta on FX

Here's the trailer

So if you're like me and LOVE Donald Glover as Troy on Community, his stand up special, Weirdo, and as a writer on 30 Rock, this ain't that. This is Childish Gambino. It's about coming up in, what the kids call, the rap game. A lot darker tone than Community or 30 Rock and more social commentary. I know, sounds like a bummer. I went in with that mentality anyways. BUT I've said for years, Donald Glover is top 5 in multi-talented guys on the planet. Kid can act. I should say, Man can act. I always thought of him as my age because of Community but in Atlanta he's an almost homeless father... I don't wanna oversell the dark tone. It's funny too. Troy and Abed would get their asses kicked in the new world Donald Glover's created but it is pretty funny. I wasn't gasping for air but I don't know if a TV pilot has ever done tht to me. I hope my message is clear. Just watch the trailer and know what you're watching before you go in expecting some silly comedy.

GRADE; B- with solid potential to improve

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I'm Out On My Own

Well it had to end sooner or later. I was, for just over a year, Blind Mike, Self proclaimed Executive Intern at Barstool Sports. Now I'm just an unemployed douchebag who thinks the world still needs to hear from him. But not having a job won't stop me. In fact, now that I've got nothing but time on my hands, and no one to stop my shitty writing from getting posted, you'll be hearing a lot from me. My podcast, The B Squad with Blind Mike, will finally get back to it's regular once a week schedule. And, back by unpopular demand is my glorious writing. Deemed by some to be too unreadable for even the Barstool Sports audience. But hey, how many of you have had a multi-millionaire criticize your work? That's a win where I come from.
This blog will not be anything fancy, at least to start. It's certainly not my way of trying to compete with anyone (as if I could). It's really just a way for me to get my dumb opinions out there and see what people think. Maybe I'll prove some people wrong or be exactly what you expect. Or, far more likely, you'll have a front row seat for the final stage of a young blind boys mental breakdown. Let's roll the dice