Tuesday, March 21, 2017

DAVE CHAPPELLE'S NEW SPECIAL COULD BE UP THERE WITH THE GREATEST EVER

Dave Chappelle just did one of the most impressive things ever in comedy. This is a guy who was on top of the world, walked away from 50 million dollars, had the entire country insist he lost his mind came back, had videos of him drunkenly getting booed off stage surface, and after all that, put out not one, but two of the best hours of stand up I've ever watched. And the most amazing part about it is, he remained himself. He didn't wear a whacky outfit. He didn't totally shy away from the content that made him popular, just to fit in with the cool kids at the PC table. He didn't suddenly feel the need to jam his girthy political views down your throat, after never giving a shit about politics. He's done what only a couple guys like Chris Rock and Louis CK have been able to do. Not let money and fame change his voice.
I don't want to be that guy that just sees something new and has to go way overboard in calling it the best ever. Everyone loves jumping to now equaling better. Before I can call this one of the greatest ever, I need to let it settle in my mind. I'll give both hours another watch. Probably on some medicinal substances next time to enhance my thinking. So for now I'll just call it 2 brilliant hours. And just so you trust my word, I'll give you a taste of my favorite stand up specials of all time. And before the snobs get up my ass, I acknowledge Pryor and Carlin are the GOAT's. But I'm 25.Just because I don't list Lenny Bruce and Woody Allen as my favorite's doesn't mean I don't respect their impact on comedy. It means I'm not a phony, pretentious hipster that thinks I'll sound smart by talking down to you about guys that weren't speaking to my generation.

5, Jim Jefferies-Freedumb

4. John Mulaney- New In Town

3. Louis CK-Hilarious Chewed Up, Shameless...Take your pick

2. Dave Chappelle-Killing Them Softly

1. Bill Burr- I'm Sorry You Feel That Way

Honorable Mentions- Brian Regan was the first special I remember gasping for air, laughing at. Jim Norton is one of my favorite guys to listen to but his his two best specials I put a level below these. Dave Attell, Hannibal Burress and Doug Stanhope were the 3 closest to replacing Jefferies and Mulaney. Chelsea Peretti and Bo Burnham did really weird interesting shit with their latest specials. I could've made the whole top 5 Louis, Burr, and Chappelle but wanted to give other guys some credit.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

THE PATRIOTS SLAPPED MALCOLM BUTLER IN THE FACE

A nobody, undrafted free agent named Malcolm Butler picking off Russell Wilson to give the Patriots a 4th Super Bow was probably the greatest moment of my sports life. It's in the running for the greatest moment of my life, in general. I don't lead a very exciting life. But that's neither here nor there. The point is in two seconds, Malcolm Butler became a legend in New England. And after a once in a once in a lifetime moment like that, most guys move into David Tyree's home for one hit wonders. But Malcolm threw a future Hall of Famer out on his ass, took over the number 1 corner spot, and became a Pro Bowler. All while playing for the league minimum. If this man asks for an evening with your wife you should shake his hand and thank him for asking first. Instead he received a wet snot filled loogie to the bridge of his nose courtesy of Bill Belichick.
Before you go nuts, I acknowledge BB is the GOAT. He's rarely made the wrong move in tese situations and when he does it's quickly corrected. From a football standpoint I have no issue with the signing of Stephon Gilmore. But to pay a guy market value or above while a Super Bowl hero, who has done everything you've asked of him and worked his ass off, is god damn disrespectful.
The NFL is a business and I respect the hell out of Belichick for running it as such, even when most would let emotion take over. But when it comes to giving a guy who has done a lot for you proper respect he failed today. When you have an All Pro player making the minimum and give him a front row seat to watch you give the money he's earned to an outsider who hasn't played in your system  and is, at best, an equal player, it shows you have no respect for your guys. At least, that will be the perception to others in that locker room.
Wild Bill is a CEO. And as such, he can't and shouldn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of him or his moves. I'm not asking for a softer, cuddlier Belichick. In fact, I'm not even demanding he pays Malcolm Butler. The Jamie Collins trade was just the latest example that any player that doesn't wear number 12 is expendable. But when you show you're willing to pay, and that guy is a CB, and his name is not Malcolm Butler, I see that as disrespect It says to every one of your guys, I don't give a fuck about you, no matter what you've done here.
Butler may even come back this year. Or by the time I post this, he may have already been traded. Stephon Gilmore may turn out to be an upgrade at that position. I will never be so silly as to suggest BB is making the wrong football move. But as a man I think you pay back those who have done so much for you. I usually love when Bill swings his dick around. This time, it felt unnecessary. Malcolm Butler deserves to be paid and I hope he will be. If not here, somewhere else.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

THE PATRIOTS ARE IN FOR A MESSY END WITH TOM BRADY

The kid in me never wants to see Superman leave. I'm not old enough to remember Drew Bledsoe starting a game for the New England Patriots. If you let little boy Mike have his way, Pedro, Nomr, Paul Pierce and Tedy Bruschi would all still be chipping away at their billion dollar contracts , while President Adam Sndler passes legislation on pizza and ice cream Friday's. But little Mikey doesn't run things. The real ruler of New England is a cold, calculated man named Bil Belichick. A boy who read the trades at story time and told his mother when to go to bed. If there's anyone who gives less of a fuck about nostalgia, I've missed them. And if Jimmy Garoppolo isn't traded now, it's not because BB will miss gazing into those baby blues. It's because he's the guy who will replace the GOAT.
This is not me saying that the Patriots should cut Brady, or that TB12 is washed up. I'm simply telling you that our boyish desire to see Tommy finish his career here on his terms is not shared by the coach. He's traded Jamie Collins and Richard Seymour. He's cut Vince Wilfork and Lawyer Milloy. He's let Ty Law and Wes the potential of a walk. And to us, none of those guys are Tom Brady. But to BB, they're all just a cap number that is or is not living up to their value. TB12 has far exceeded that value every year of his career. But in Bill's notebook, you don't get credit for past performance. nd when that computer of a man looks at a 40 year old QB, the oldest skill player in the league, vs. a 25 year old who he feels has the potential to be the next guy, there's only one logical answer to that equation.
Bill hasn't always had Tom at that position. He lived through Cleveland with no one and when he got here he had a washed up Drew Bledsoe. He knows how difficult it is to find THE guy. He got incredibly lucky that the 199th pick in the draft was the greatest ever. And now, when he looks at Jimmy G's potential, 1, 3 or even 5 years of whatever Brady has left, doesn't equal the benefit of finding the next guy.
I know any Patriots fan that reads this will jump straight to me saying Brady's done. Let me be clear, I'm not a fool. There are no signs, other than his age, that Brady is close to done. But no one has ever stayed at this level into their 40's. And personally, I'm of the belief that the the Patriots owe it to Brady to let him go out on his terms. But, I assure you, Wild Bill does not share that sentimental belief. So this is not my The Patriots aren't good anymore moment. This is not dummy Max Kellerman saying Brady's about to fall off a cliff. This is just my attempt to warn you. If the Patriots do not trade Jimmy now, you best get your bib. Because it's going to get messy.