Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I CAN SAVE ESPN

ESPN is cleaning house. For over a year, subscribers have been jumping ship due to lack of entertaining content and the appearance of biased reporting Now they're dumping talent, buying out contracts and seem to be in financial ruin  And while the deterioration of the Worldwide Leader seems like news, if you've been paying attention, you've seen this day coming for a long time. And it's not because they pay no-talent's like Dan LeBatard more than what he deserves (minimum wage). It's because they gave people like that a platform to begin with  And while being PC and race baiting may be popular in society these days, it's not entertaining. It's become the norm to throw out baseless accusations of racism and misogyny. And while you'll get pats on the back from Twitter and will always have a seat at the PC cool kids table, it doesn't buy you ratings.
I, like many Patriots fans, have 0 respect for ESPN. And while most are celebrating the demise of the Mothership, I'm broken up about it. What fun is being a superhero if your nemesis just lays down and gives up. So, I'm extending my wing and opening a spot right under it. If ESPN wants to take it, here's all they have to do.

1. Get Rid Of The 6.
Seems obvious. I mean, we all know it's terrible, right? So, let's move on.

2. White Men Are Your Friend.
We all know white men are a stain on society. Evil people, every one of them. But some of them are entertaining. So suppress your urge to say I'm Mansplaining, and just listen. If you find an entertaining man, even if he's white, give him a shot.

3. Learn From Your Enemies.
There's a reason Bill Simmons and Pardon My Take kick your ass in podcasting every week. People like cursing. People like jokes People like shit you can't get EVERYWHERE. Embrace the internet. Use it to put out edgy content. Stop allowing your billion dollar company to lose out to guys in their garage.

4. MOST IMPORTANT-Stop being pussies.
I apologize for the hardo lede, but grow a fucking backbone. When one of your guys gets in trouble, talk about it. You can't ignore controversy anymore. If someone tweets something dumb, let him defend himself. This will do two things. A. Provide content. B. Maybe not ruin an innocent persons reputation. Don't turn the network into TMZ. But when something comes up, defend your talent. At least for, like, a minute.

I hope they listen to my advice. If not, we will all get the benefit of watching this garbage pile of a network go up in flames Either way, entertainment is a guarantee.

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